Rock and Roll Saved My Soul

1. You're either mentally ill or mentally healthy. Similar to the way a physically healthy person may still experience minor health issues—like bad knees or high cholesterol—a mentally healthy person may experience an emotional problem or two. Mental health is a continuum and people may fall anywhere on the spectrum. Even if you are doing well, there's a good chance you aren't 100% mentally healthy. In fact, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services estimates only about 17% of adults are in a state of "optimal" mental health. 2. Mental illness is a sign of weakness. As someone who trains people to build mental strength, I sometimes receive backlash from individuals who claim the phrase "mental strength" somehow stigmatizes mental illness. Those comments come from people who automatically assume people with depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions are mentally "weak." Mental strength is not the same as mental health. Just as...

May 12, 2020: I apparently forgot to update for almost a week. Life is just really hard sometimes. I'm doing the best I can. One week at work (this week) is really easy, but then the next week is overwhelming and hard. I'm not sure what to do about it or how to cope. I'm trying though. Not much has changed. Work is still super stressful. I want and need a break, but we're not allowed to take vacations right now. I don't even want to go anywhere. Just stay home and not have to do anything. Idk. I just need a break.  I've been trying to be constructive and do things on my days off, just to keep my mind from wandering. That's, I guess, going pretty well. I started writing a new novel and after ten days (not in a row, just every day I have off work) I am 50% done with it. So that's kind of exciting. I'm hoping to keep this up and get a lot of writing done, but some days I don't feel like doing it or anything. I force myself to though and it feels goo...

5-8-20: So like I mentioned last week. The next would be rough for me. It was. I spent a lot of time alone. I watched a lot of supernatural, I colored. That was pretty much it. I just kinda kept to myself. I'm doing better. I get my older kids this weekend and I'm super excited. I haven't seen them in like a month and a half to two months. We have so much stuff to do. We have things to paint and make. My oldest has Legos to put together. I think it will be a good weekend. I know it won't be anything more special even though it's mother's day weekend, but I'm super happy I get some time with all my kids! :D I miss them so much!! Which I think has been part of my problem too. Freaking coronavirus man. It's a huge pain in my ass. Im still off work next week. As far as I know boyfriend goes back so maybe I can stream something. I miss all my twitch streaming friends. They are pretty awesome. I just want some form of normal again in my life. One day ag...

May 1st 2020: This week has been up and down. Has I neared today I feel more into a depression because today marks the anniversary of my dad's death and it sucks. It never gets easier. I'm a mess from the 1st through the 5th because his birthday is the 5th then on the 6th I'm like a different person. So next few days are going to be hard for me. Just got to try to do my best to try and stay busy. Not easy to do when I don't want to do much and stuck in the house. I did get a picture of my oldest daughter today. That was nice. :) Showed her what I have to do when she does come down. Sent her a picture of me and her younger sister and me and her younger brother. Which her grandma is going to print so she can have them on her room. I'm attaching the picture I got of her and a picture a friend put together for me. Miss you Daddy always will. I'll see you hopefully soon my pretty girl.

4-24-20: This week has been stressful but not. I started working on my book again this week. I have got almost two full chapters wrote out. I'll finish chapter 16 tonight and start chapter 17 Sunday night. I been coloring more too, alone and with the kids. I still have days where being stuck in the house really sucks. I had to get out and walk today. My knees were really bugging me for some reason. Not sure why. I got word I go back to work the 3rd of May. We see if that happens or not. They say a lot of things right now and change their minds. I know it will be good for my knee, but at same time still scares me. Just one day at a time I guess.

4-17-20: This week. Let's see. Overall I guess hasn't been too bad. Couple migraines. Been trying really hard to take my one pill twice a day like she wants. That has not been easy for me. My knee was pretty bad over the last week. Physical therapy was pretty painful. As much as I dislike most of the people I work around I would really love to go back to work. My knee hurts way less when I was work 40 hours a week. Some days my depression is really bad and others it's not bad. I did find out though that Idaho is on lock down til the end of the month. I won't get to see my older kids til at least next month maybe. Just have to see I guess on that. I mean I did see my oldest for about 5 mins cause his dad's girlfriend had come to get her kids in Utah so that was good. Just miss them both a lot. I usually don't mind stay home, but honestly I'm tired of staying home at this point. I'm slowly losing my mind over it. Thank you though to those still worki...

4-10-20: Mentally I'm not ok. Physically my knee seems to be getting worse. It's getting worse. I think we out of work for all of April. I know I can get money from my boyfriend if I need it, but I'm not sure if unemployment will pay my bills. Which makes me sad because I paid a couple credit cards off with taxes. Weather is getting nicer and I can't take my kids anywhere. I haven't seen my older kids in like almost a month. I'm not able to stream on twitch. Which doesn't help my mental health either. That was a really good thing for me. I'm just slowly falling apart and nothing I can do about it. I'm having a hard time remembering to take some of my meds twice a day. I don't know what to do anymore honestly.

I worked 1 day this week. Which isn't a problem at all. My country finally out a stay at home order into effect just the other day. Which we were doing anyway cause we want to keep our family safe as we can. I already have no idea when I'm seeing my older kids at this point. So that sucks, but I ordered Easter stuff for everyone. $200 bucks later. Ouch. Lol worth it though. I would do anything for my kiddos. They are my world. I saw the Dr about my head again. I just need to get in the habit of taking my one meds twice a day. I'm trying just hard it happens about every other day. Lol my boyfriend mom got tested for coronavirus thankfully that came back yesterday and was negitive. Which was a relief. That was causing me a lot of stress because the kids had spent some time over there from when we went to the store and our anniversary. So I was in full mom freak out mode. Hahaha we shall see what the next week brings me though. Rumor at work is we may be down through...

3-27-20: This week has been good. I am a little worried, but I'm trying to not stress and just take everything one day at a time. I was off all week due to two people testing positive for the coronavirus at my job so the did a deep clean of the whole place last weekend. I was supposed to work this week. It went from having Sunday off to going back Wednesday to just having all week off. Which was ok my boyfriend is off two weeks because of the all of this. So we got to spend together with kids. I mean we can't go anywhere with kids. However I'll take it. My headaches are still off and on. I'm going to Dr next week for that. My knee is still working on getting better. It hurts less when I work though. Even when I do my stuff im supposed to. Just taking it one day at a time though.

3-20-20: So this last week I haven't been depressed, but I have been super stressed. This coronavirus had me way stressed out. My boyfriend is off next week but getting 70% of his wages. I am some how working next week. Which is both good and bad. I'm just not wanting to be around people, but it could still change in next couple days I guess. I'm worried bout my 8 year old getting it. Cause she seems to get sick a lot. So that worries me a lot. They did close all the schools in her State already so hopefully. However, it is spreading fast that I'm worried if they open the school up it won't be good. So yeah I'm just a big ball of a mess at this point with this thing.

3-7-20: This week has been ok. Work has been stressful. We don't have the people to help on my line or the line that is like mine but builds the right hand air bags. I got to a point of not caring honestly. I am getting some new stuff to upgrade my stream. So that is exciting. :) Just trying to find a good price on a PS4 too. That might have to wait as much as I want to get it now. I just get tired of moving the one from the bedroom back and forth. It's annoying. My depression been good. My headaches are another story. They have got a little better, but I don't know. It's been way bad last few weeks. :( My knee is slowly getting better. Some things still hurt, but over all doing much better.

2-28-20: This week hasn't been bad for depression. My knee is getting better. Still hurts when I do certain things.so I'm hoping that still gets better. My twitch streaming is going amazing right now. I'm in an awesome FB group to gift random girls and make their days. I feel like I'm on top of the world right now. I'm trying to not think that I know things don't last long but I'm trying to just focus on the present.

2-21-20: This week has not been a good week for me. I have had a migraine on and off all week. I got new meds to take when I start to get one but can only take 4 in 24 hour period. So it's been pretty rough. My knee been sore too. I'm super excited about tomorrow. It's my son's 4th birthday party. That is super exciting. He should have a blast. My depression has been good. Just the rest of me is falling apart now.

1-17-20: This week has been a little rough. My knee pain got worse. I went to the Dr today. I got a brace and x-rays done. I did get refills on my depression meds though too so yay for that. I'm kinda worried about my knee. I hope nothing really wrong with it. I won't know more until next week though. Just need it to get better. It's hard to do anything cause it hurts to move it. It hurts to not move it for a while. It's just painful. Icing it makes it seem like it is on fire. Which doesn't seem normal at all. On on the right path though.

1-10-20: So it was my first week back to work. I thought it would be decent. I mean it is work. However I got to see my best friend so didn't think it would be that bad. First night found out that he was going to be the new trainer on the line I work on like half the night so that was good. Couple days later shit all went to hell. My best got fired over some stupid shit. Now, I have no one at work at all. It is super depressing for me. I'm having a really hard time with it. It's been two days I think and I'm just miserable without my bestie at work. I'm glad it's the weekend cause if I have to be asked one more time how I am I might scream. I just hope next week goes ok. I mean I still talk to him though obviously. I'll get through this. Just be a loner now. Like when I first started working there and didn't know anyone. Other then now I know how much of scum bags they are and I would rather be a loner than talk to any of them.

1-3-20: Well this week been stressful. My two youngest been sick. Took them to the Dr and got them looked at. My youngest had ear infections so she got meds. My second youngest has bronchitis. He is also now on meds. After one day on meds they both seem to be doing better though. They both got sick shortly after Xmas but we thought it was just a cold. With holidays and stuff the urgent Care was closed. I'm not sure if I put this in last week's or not. Day after Xmas my youngest cut her head a little and we took her to the Dr and it cost us almost $700 with insurance. We didn't want to have to do that again of we didn't have to since they didn't do anything for her other than give her a stuffed animal which mind you she does love, but damn it was a lot of money. So it's just been a strussful new years in our household. We paid with he co pays and meds about $110 for both kids for urgent care. Which is much better than $700 for looking at her head and ...

12-27-19: this week has been pretty good. Little stressful at times but over all really good. Got some good stuff from my man for Xmas. Everyone seemed to enjoy their presents for Xmas as well. We have some things to move around still while we are off work, but we have had kids with colds and last night my youngest hit her head and cut it open a little. She is ok though.  No stiches or Staples thank goodness. My son made me this really cool thing too. I'll have pictures of all the stuff from our house. I did get a little upset about the baby I lost. Seeing as that time of the month starting on Xmas Eve and it just brought back memories. I made it through. I was little grumpy though. Hope everyone else had a great Christmas and had a wonderful new year!!

12-20-19: This week as far as depression goes wasn't too bad. There was some stuff at work that I'm like are you serious? One is that I pre pay for my lunch at work and someone was complaining about that I guess. Stupid nonsense. Trying to get me in trouble and my friend that works there. So over the stupid bs! Then the other thing is the guy that I have had issues with I guess repo's cars and stuff too and told someone he had some to check on at the apartment complex I live at. Like I just can't seem to get away from this guy. For real. Just annoying. We are hoping to be moving soon though. He can't tow mine cause I'm not behind on my payments. I'm just glad week is over. I'm off now for 2 weeks. Time with my family for sure. I'm so excited!!