The Motherless Daughter

By Michaelle Madrid 

"When a mother dies, a daughter's mourning never completely ends. Motherless women have always intuitively known this." Hope Edelman

"There's a sense we share of being adrift in the world." Irene Rubaum-Keller, Therapist (mother died when she was 7.)

Adrift, that is a good way to describe how isolating it is to grow up without my mom. Out all alone, on the ocean, on some makeshift raft. My mom passed right after my fourth birthday. I remember the day my dad told me she was gone. We were in the car and he was upset and crying. I remember we were leaving my paternal grandparents home where we had been staying after having just lived a short stint in east Texas. My mother and father were divorced and he had full custody of me at the time of her passing. Being so young at the time, I was easily distracted from her, her death, and my maternal side of the family. 

It didn't take long for the sdistractions to fade and memories or lack there of to come pouring in at different points in my life. I was in second grade making my mom a homemade card like all my other girlfriends in class. No big deal. Often, I would get done with my schoolwork and draw cards for mom. My mom was my second step mom. I would happily give her my homemade cards thinking nothing of it. One day, my dad asked why I never made him a card? This is when I first realized that I wasn't making cards for MY mom.

I was blessed to have my step moms and an aunt that helped me learn how to do everyday things, help me practice manners, and so forth, but not having my own mom at times still hurts more than most will ever know. I still can't believe how cutting it can be even after all these years. It hits me sometimes as I am caring for my own children. I have much gratefulness that my children are able to grow up with both of their blood related parents and they will have siblings to lean on after we are both gone. It didn't take long for the  distractions to fade and memories or lack there of to come pouring in at different points in my life. I was in second grade making my mom a homemade card like all my other girlfriends in class. No big deal. Often, I would get done with my schoolwork and draw cards for mom. My mom was my second step mom. I would happily give her my homemade cards thinking nothing of it. One day, my dad asked why I never made him a card? This is when I first realized that I wasn't making cards for MY mom.

I was blessed to have my step moms and an aunt that helped me learn how to do everyday things, help me practice manners, and so forth, but not having my own mom at times still hurts more than most will ever know. I still can't believe how cutting it can be even after all these years. It hits me sometimes as I am caring for my own children. I have much gratefulness that my children are able to grow up with both of their blood related parents and they will have siblings to lean on after we are both gone.I am hoping that after reading this, you can see a view from somebody else's shoes. What would it have been like if you didn't grow up with your mom? There are many of you out there growing up without dads and I am truly appreciative that I had my dad. He was the one person in this world that I truly believed loved me as much as he could humanly do and as much of an unconditional love as you can have on Earth from a parent. As much as he tried to be or find a replacement, it is a void to never be filled; always open just for the one it was meant for.