Invisible Not Imagined: Kate 1, Anxiety 0



Mazes and puzzles are meant to be a fun, creative outlet, but for me, it’s how, in my mind, my anxiety manifests. And it is far from a fun experience. I see it as one of those giant hedge mazes like you see in Alice in Wonderland or Harry Potter. Daunting, but a solvable puzzle…until my anxiety kicks in. It doesn’t happen often and I’m thankful for that, but when it does, I feel like I’m trapped inside the maze. Every turn a dead end and it starts to feel like the walls are moving in on me, shifting deliberately to keep me trapped inside. I struggle, trying to claw my way out, but the further I venture into the maze, the worse my anxiety level becomes and I panic. It’s then that I start to believe that maybe there isn’t a way out any longer and I’ll forever be trapped inside of the maze with no escape. When that reality sinks in, I want to give up, curling up on the ground in the fetal position, sobbing hysterically. The panic attack does eventually subside, but I'm still stuck in the maze, but can find my way out. It happens more often than I like to admit. It doesn’t always get that bad thankfully. 

Things are a bit different for me now. I honestly thought I would always struggle alone with my anxiety. That isn’t the case though, not anymore. I’ve met someone that has helped me more than I really even realize. I’ve found myself not getting quite so anxious about things as much as I used to and that is an empowering feeling. My anxiety hasn’t disappeared, obviously, but I’m learning not to let it rule my life quite so much. But when it does flare up I know he’ll be there to calm me down enough to find my way out, because I don't feel quite so stuck if he's standing at the edge of the maze, shining a light through, showing me the way out. He calls out words of encouragement and reminds me that I'm not alone. Some days I still find myself back in the maze, but it’s easier to remember that there's a way out. He can’t cure me, because that’s impossible, but he’s made me feel stronger, more invincible, so even if he’s not around, I’ll be able to take what he’s shown me and use that to fight the demon that is anxiety.


We're still accepting submissions for Invisible Not Imagined until Feb 15th, if you'd like to submit. 


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