Life With Depression - Sandy Ashley


Life With Depression 
By Sandy Ashley

3-9-2019 - Today was pretty stressful for me. My anxiety was bad because of money related issues. I just tried to stay calm about things though and do my best to fix what was going on. Which sometimes I have a very hard time doing. My depression is still showing, which doesn't help the money thing at all. I tend to shop when I'm depressed for things that make me happy. Super bad habit, but not sure how to fix that. I been seriously thinking about seeing someone to talk with them to help me. I have a few places I can call that my insurance will cover from like a couple weeks ago when I had a serious meltdown. I had not been that low in a long time and had even thought about it when I started graves back in November 2018. Cause I had a lot going on before that with the boyfriend. Knowing things were going to change because of lack of time together and a whole mess of other things.

On another note my boyfriend's parents are way to included in my life and clearly have some issue with me which is why I have always kept his mom on a short fuse. She stresses me out so much. Like the anger is real. I should probably go to a gym to punch things to release it, that is how bad it is. Which maybe talking to someone about those would be able to help me with bringing it up best way possible. She gets so personal anytime you bring up something she did or didn't do right.

My kids when I have all 4 of them are super stressful too. Which I am still working on keeping my cool there. Baby steps with that. Lol

I also worry about trying to figure all this out in trying to help myself how much more time I will be away from my kids and how crazy my week will be on top of everything else. Depression makes me not want to do anything, the anxiety and stress make me want to change and the part of me that goes you already have so much to do in a week why are you adding to it? Life is a continuous struggle for making everyone happy when it comes to family. I can easily tell others no or something, but when it comes to me and my family I struggle with where to draw the lines.

3-14-2019 - Things are far as my depression and what not have been very good past couple days. Which is always nice when it takes a backseat.

However, at work I got some not so good news. I was going to be going to a new line as a trainer. Which I was super excited about because I miss being a trainer. I was one but when I moved to graves they didn't have another trainer spot open. Anyway, we got news today that the new line I was trying to go to isn't going to be under my current boss I have anymore. Which seriously made my ok day (just tired, working lots of overtime to help with the money thing) into kinda a shit day. Like I know other lines will come up, but part of my over time has been working on the line I was going to go to, which was going to give me a step up from everyone else on graves because it's not open on graves yet. The other sad news I got at work today was my boss' boss is no longer going to be over us as of Monday. So I was like my heart is crushed right now. I mean I'll get over it, but it just little things sometimes that can just send you into a full on spiral and not know how to stop it.

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